Everything They Never Told You
Long list, right? They don’t tell you heart breaks hurt worse than the pain from falling down and scraping your palms. They don’t tell you that the only important thing is where you’re going. They let you think it’s okay to dwell on the past.
I look at my past for a second. Great childhood, new people all the time, a tight family unit. I worked to get here, and here is the only place I want to be. I don’t want to explain my life, dredge up the past and the pain that comes with it, two things so tightly knotted you cannot part them, like trying to work the knot from your favorite necklace.
College is the beginning of my life. I’m sure of it. Everything before led to this point. This is what all that was for. Now I can learn about life and find my own way. I think that college is my rebirth, an emergence from a mold I fell into (somewhat reluctantly and ungracefully) during my late years of high school. Time to brush the dust off, and to step from the wreckage into the light shining on the path that takes me into the rest of my life.
The soundtrack I arranged is running in the background as I write this. It’s like listening to someone else’s life. These songs don’t tell me anything. The notes are flat in my ears–new. I want new. I need new. Everything new. This is all about experience. College, I mean. And here, I can be whoever I want.
They never told me this was the time I could make myself. I could make myself with the framework they gave me. Now, I can flesh out the metal wire frame that my past has constructed for me, and I can be new.
I can be whoever I want.
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