The Grating Feeling Of Irritation

So, I wouldn’t say that today was the suckiest day of my life, but I will say that I didn’t have much fun. The yearbook staff outing was…fun?  I had fun, me and Katie and everyone, but then I got home and everything was kind of like, blah, because my mom had to go to work. 

It doesn’t help that I really had my life put into perspective for me.  My friend just had a family emergency, and seeing her break down broke my heart.  I had been previously freaking out about leaving my cell phone at home, and upon hearing Tinesha’s story, I felt really really bad.  I know you can’t compare one persons troubles to anothers because certain things affect people differently.

And to make things so much better, I realized that a lot of people think that I don’t like them, and apparently I give the impression that I don’t.  No comment from fluffy and hamz, please, I don’t know how much I can take.  What really irritated me was I was listening to Ramxpage talk about this and I didn’t know if she was mad or not.  I know it ticked me off because I am so tired of dealing with people.  Rachel is my best friend and some guy she hasn’t even known a year was telling her that he would yell at me for yelling at her.  I was yelling at her in joking and he didn’t know that, but it really really ticked  me off, because I didn’t know who he thought he was. 

I just don’t want to get into a fight with Ramxpage about all of this.  I am going over to her house supposedly on Sunday, and I don’t want to talk about any of this because it makes me mad and sad and it makes just want to curl up and do absolutely nothing.  It also doesn’t help that I keep getting lied to by people I thought I knew and I am just so sick of everything.

I need to go watch Moulin Rouge or I’m going to blow my top.

Powerless

I don’t think that anybody anymore is truly racist, with the exception of some senior citizens or the kids who are just stupid.  I think that we are scared.  People say, “Oh, well, white people are racist because they won’t stand up to the black person.”  It isn’t that they are racist.  It’s that they are scared, and they won’t stand up to them, because that fear is bred into our society.  Just like we are taught to fear foreigners because they might attack us because we are American and we ourselves are foreign to them. 

Perfect example of this.  Someone was picking on someone I knew on the bus and no one said anything.  They didn’t say a damn thing, and I couldn’t really do anything because I was smashed up against the window, but had I been on the outside, I would have said something…actually, had I known what was going on, I would have done something.  I came in at about the middle of the whole ordeal because I was listening to my music.  Also, at the same time, would getting in a fight with someone because they were making fun of my friend be worth it?  Maybe.  If I got into a fight, I would get suspended and then that would jeopardize me getting into the governor’s school.  At the same time, I would be saving my friend some face and she would be happier than she was when she got off that bus. 

I have been very irritable lately because I cannot stand the way people treat each other.  It has been grating on my nerves for a very long time and I just haven’t had a way of communicating that, and now I do.  What I also don’t appreciate (while we are on the subject) is the fact that people think they can insult my best friend.  Yeah, I kind of let them get away with it, just because I know Rampage won’t care, but at the same time, it’s hurting me, because Rampage and I are like conjoined twins.  We are rarely apart, and we completely understand each other. I just really don’t know what to do about this crap.  Because it is my other friends that constantly insult her and tell me what a horrible person is.  This is all coming from a friend who quotes this at me every time I pass judgement: “Let he who be without sin cast the first stone.”  What is up with this hypocritical society?