The Lost Generation

At my school, drugs and cigarettes are as common and as well known as text books.  In middle school, pot was like water to most of the guys that I knew.  Before kids learn how to manage their bank accounts, they learn how to roll a blunt or sneak drugs through school without getting caught.

Up until high school, I saw drugs and their users as a pretty big evil.  Now, I’m not so sure.  I’ve never done drugs, never want to.  I’ve had alcohol–not enough to get drunk, but I still wasn’t impressed.  I believe drugs are just someone’s way of dealing with what life throws at them.  Everyone deals with things differently, just as I use my blog and fiction writing to keep my head from going splodey.

A lot of my friends disapprove of the drug circle that I have been in for a long time.  I know they do drugs, but it’s not my job to help them. Most I don’t know well enough to call them a friend.  The ones I do call friends are…It would suffice to say that I’m there for them when they need me.

A few of my formerly disapproving friends now realize that somethings are grey.  After several of my lectures, they understand and I can tell you one phrase I have not heard from them since:
“He’s not good for you.  He does drugs.”  Several of my exes were druggies.  Actually, 95% of them were to be honest.

One thing about drugs bothers me.  The dealers.  A lot of the dealing is between students, but, there are adults somewhere involved in this.  You’re giving drugs to kids to make a living.  It really, really rubs me the wrong way.  I idolize many of the adults in my life.  They do the best they can to help kids, and behind the scenes you have other adults dealing to kids who don’t know what to do with their money.

My mom told me that drug use amongst my friends should bother me.  Before my best friend nearly died, it did bother me, but I never said anything, because I valued our friendship.  I’m glad I did, but I shouldn’t have.  She didn’t love me more than her boyfriend of two weeks, whom I hate.  After she almost died, I shut down all my opinions and at that point, nothing bothered me.  Nothing.

Half of my generation won’t last to graduation.  Dropouts, suicids, you name it, I’ve heard or witnessed almost all of them.

Just some food for thought.  I’ll talk to you later.

A Girl’s Guide To Be Absolutely Careless…

Okay, so I have established that I should stop caring about everything, because if you stop caring, everything stops hurting, and then do you know what you have?  An absolutely happy life…if you can be happy without caring.  I don’t know anymore.  Anyway, I was talking to this kid about drugs, and everything he had done and didn’t know what to say.  So, I said, “Cool.  Sounds like fun.”  I mean, what was I supposed to do? Be mother hen and yell at him for five minutes?  I can’t do that, because it makes me feel old.  Trust me, my soul is a lot older than my technical age says I am and it drives me crazy, because I have adults that tell me that it doesn’t feel like talking to a kid when I talk to you.  I don’t necessarily hate that, but at the same time, I want to be a kid for as long as possible, so I don’t end up a 20-year old who acts like a prude 80 year old.  Do you understand?

When I hang out with a lot of people, most of them do drugs.  I am going to admit this and you people can say “Oh, she seemed like such a nice girl…”  Just because someone does drugs doesn’t mean they are a bad person, I want people to get that through their head.  It just means that you steer clear of them when they are on drugs, lest they prove to be a bad person.  I didn’t really care about people doing drugs after my best friend overdosed last year, and my new best friend would never do something stupid like that, so what’s the point?

Actually a lot of the new people that I hang out with kind of faint at the mention of drugs, no offense hamz and fluffy.  I love you guys, but your perception of sex and drugs isn’t very…accurate.  I love you, though, and that is why.  I don’t feel I have to be different and uncaring around you guys.  Please take no offense. 

Anyway, back to what I was saying.  People doing drugs doesn’t bother me because, unless they almost die, I won’t ever know anything about it.  Peace, people.

curbxstomp

Familia

Okay…Well, as I said a few months ago, I might apply to the governor’s school, and then I decided that I wouldn’t.  I am applying again.  I truly am this time, and I am really nervous and I don’t know if I want to get in.   I think part of me hopes that I won’t get in so I have an excuse not to go, but then another part of me wants to succeed, and I don’t know.

I would be leaving my family for two years, barring any sort of break, because that would be weekends, and four-day weekends, and normal breaks.  I would not come home after school to talk to my mother about why I hate school (just seventh period and the getting up early part) and why I want to be a writer.  I would be improving my writing while at the governor’s school, but at the same time…is it really worth it?  I want to cry right now.  People are all like, “Yeah!  You should go, it would be a great opportunity for your writing!”  I am a person, people!  I am not just good for my writing!  I seem to think that this world is sickeningly materialistic in the way we stock everything in how much money you make and how you do it.

I don’t know if I want my kids to grow up in this kind of world where school will break your mind, and people will break your back.  It wasn’t like this awhile ago.  Why does it have to be like this?  It’s sad that for my generation, we are the fall of the United States, and I can’t really do anything about it, because there are very few of us who aren’t getting high and smashed every weekend.  Even people I thought I knew do drugs sometimes and they drink like Lindsay Lohan.  It makes me sick.