A Post About Everything and Nothing

Most of my summer has been dutifully spent on reading and writing (and working up at the school on yearbook stuff, of course).  I had a load of reading to do for my AP Language class I’m taking next year, and I’m trying to get halfway through writing a novel in case this year turns out to be extremely time consuming.  However, this isn’t going as well as I expected, because my attention span is…

Small.

And that’s about all I can say.  Because of this, I’m going to be chugging along on the newest novel, but I’m going to start a string of short stories that I will actually post here on the blog for those who are interested in reading and giving feedback.  Most of them will probably be supernaturally based, like most of my writing, but since the stories are short, I might be able to stomach real life writing for a bit.  I have an issue with writing about real life.  I live real life, why do I want to read and write about stuff like that?  I’ve got enough to handle with my life. 

~~~ 

I am also going to try to get over my camera “phobia.” I’m not afraid of cameras, but I don’t like pictures taken of me.  My aunt took plenty while she was here, and so did my parents, so as soon as I manage to snag the digital copies of them, I will probably put them in a post related to the trip that we took to Charleston.  (My first time being there; it was beautiful.  My mom wants to live there, but I didn’t think it was that beautiful.)

This post is kind of a conglomeration today, because I haven’t actually been able to sit down and think about writing in a while.  I’ve been stuck on new characters, and worrying about yearbook ad sales (GAG ME.  Or just kill me.)  I’m just overall a very restless person nowadays and I don’t know what do to.  So, I will be in and out of all my online applications, instead of out, like I was for about that month.  (And I can guarantee you that that month was spent on the phone.)

I will be back soon, but until then, Au revoir!

Don’t Let It Get You Down

Today went by rather fast.  It involved a lot of crying and laughing and conversation between old friends and the forging of new ones.  Yearbook day is always like this for me.  I spent it with Rachel, my bffl, of course, because she is now on yearbook staff.  And Yearbook Adviser didn’t get too angry.  Yearbook day is something I look forward to all year, no matter how much I complain about the stress yearbook sometimes causes.  I feel really calm, like all is right in my world at the moment.

Even though I know next week brings hard decisions and a hell of a boring time.  It means hanging out in the yearbook room all the time, which I love doing anyway.  I need to pack that fridge with some Dr. Pepper, while I’m thinking about it, because I know I’ll forget.  Funny thing is, I can write “streams of consciousness” on my blog without effort, but my teacher tells us to write like that and I look at my paper like it’s an alien from Mars.  It’s dumb. 

I’m trying not to let it get me down.  There are so many people telling me so many things and trying to pull me in so many different directions.  It’s almost like white noise.  I just want to sit down and scream, “Now, hold up a freaking second!…What did you say?” Because I’m confused.  I can’t handle so many different opinions.  I just can’t weight things.  It’s one of my flaws.  Speaking of flaws, I forgot to tell someone something…I was watching a show the other day and someone said something that was so utterly true that it floored me:

“You like someone for their good qualities.
But you love them for their faults.”

But, in my case, the faults of the one I love are too much for this fifteen year old heart to take.  So, like I said, big decisions next week.  Quick post today, because I won’t have time for a while.  Enjoy life, and don’t let the world get you down.

An Unexcused Absence

I’ve been gone awhile.  On account of having a pretty sucky one half of the month.  I’ve been so miserable that I just don’t get on to blog because I thought I might kill the computer.  Right now, I’m trying to keep myself calm so I don’t start crying.

I have had a pretty hard time.  All that goes on in my house nowadays is yelling, screaming, or crying.  All that goes on at school is uncomfortable silences and dirty glances.  All that happens in my classes is a secluded loneliness in the back of glass, my nose shoved into a paper or a book, trying to drown myself in school work so I don’t think about what my problems are.

I do have to say that my writing has become exceedingly better.  My characters have depth, my story has substance, and it’s completely satisfactory, if I do say so myself.  I tried to use my characters to keep my mind occupied and away from everything.  I got almost 20 pages in two days.  It’s been pretty amazing to be able to write again, like a weight has been lifted.  

You know how bad it gets when I start reading only Meg  Cabot books.  Yep, I have resigned myself to teen novels written by Meg Cabot.  She has to be the most amazing writer in the history in forever.  She surpasses all the other writers I read, because it feels like Meg Cabot has been there forever…

I just wanted to use this last paragraph to wish the troops luck, and to let them know I’m praying for them. 

Have a good night, y’all. 

Seraphim: An Allegorical Tale of Good and Evil

For the moment, the story is called Seraphim. There is a book by Faith Hunter called Seraph and I hate being anywhere close to anyone’s writing. It makes me feel like I’m stealing. That’s why I quit most of my writing–it sounds too much like the books I read. Every writer will be influenced by the books they read, but I don’t want to be too close. I can be close without being unoriginal. And since I have never read Faith’s book, I can’t say that I’m copying. I may read the book when I a done writing my story, so she doesn’t influence me, or make me feel bad about my writing.

Okay, anyway. I’ve been thinking about allegories since I watched Monsters, Inc. in film criticism earlier this year. I thought it was really cool, and contemplated writing an allegory. Things like that take a lot of intelligent thought and time. I had neither at that moment. (Ha, Kaelie made a funny…) So, I completely abandoned an allegory until I could come up with something decent.

I recently read The Scarlet Letter (yes, I know, I cringe when I think about it, too.) by Nathaniel Hawthorne and he was a genius–a boring one, but a genius. He used color symbolism, just flat out symbolism, and parables. I take a lot of example from him. Most of the American population hates him–I hate his books, but I respect his writing. So, then color symbolism appeared in my writing. It’s really subtle stuff. Like hair color, eye color, shadow play. If someone has a different hair or eye color from everyone else they are either bad or just really different. It really depends on the context and who the person is. Like, with Haven and Lucius. One has dark hair, one has blond hair. I already know why, but you don’t. The people that have read stories will be able to tell you, though. So talk to hamz or fluffy about it. They’re on my blogroll. You can even ask me, but sometimes I might not tell you, because I don’t risk talking about other stories while I’m in the middle of a project–like I am right now–because it distracts me.

Anyway, plot synopsis. Angels and demons basically, the usual good vs. evil story. OR IS IT? The main character is an “angel” by the name of Meliakos. She doesn’t have a last name as of yet. Maybe they don’t have last names in the celestial worlds–I don’t know yet. Her hair is black, and her eyes are green. Angels don’t have a specific eye color nor do they have black hair–it’s usually blond or really light brown. The only blond color however is like the true blond color. Not white, not platinum, not dirty, but the true blond. Like Rachel Ramxpage’s hair, if you want to be absolutely sure. (For the record, the blond hair that I use in my writing is normally her hair color.) I’ve lost my point. Meliakos–call me Mel–meets a blond demon named Gabriel, and he is the other “half” of the balance that angels have an annoying tendency to enforce and need. He is the second part of the allegory.

Mel is an angel, but she isn’t necessarily good. Gabriel is a demon, but he isn’t necessarily bad. The allegory? This allegory is ethics. If you can tell what’s what just by this little excerpt, props to you, if not, I’m happy because the allegory will be a surprise when you read the story. Right now, I just have it set as a short story, not a full fledged novel. I don’t know if I can get it to be that long.

Well, happy President’s Day if I’m not back by then.

Curbxstomp Is, Sadly, Not Writing At The Moment

I should be working on my book,  but that’s not happening because I’m talking to Austen on the phone, and writing this.  I need to be working!!!  Instead, I’m ranting about Valentine’s day. :D  Never mind, not ranting anymore, because my dad’s a jerk and just kicked me off the phone because it was “too late”.  Stupid.  I don’t even care. 

I don’t hate Valentine’s day, but it can be really discomfiting sometimes and I hate that, like, a lot.  So, I’m not like the people who are out to slaughter people who celebrate Valentine’s day with their sweethearts. 

Anyway, back on subject.  I have a new main character that I was going to try to work on, but I have to find the paper I was writing on earlier today, and then I can elaborate.  I need to work on TCABR, but unfortunately I’m kind of stuck. :(  Sucks, but I’ll hopefully move on soon.  It was doing so great because my anger was kind of motivating it…it’s not anymore.  William got really angry, and now I’ve got all this anger and no channel for it, so maybe I have to get mad again.  Which shouldn’t be difficult with the way my life’s going. 

Baby, It’s Cold Outside…

It’s cold oustide.  I walk out to the car in the morning and by the time I complete that ten foot walk, my teeth are chattering.  It’s insane.  It shouldn’t be this cold in the south.  It’s not normal!!  All I want to do is curl up with a good book, some hot cocoa, and pile blankets atop myself while listening to M*A*S*H as it plays on the tv in the background.  Ah, I have found heaven on earth.  But, alas, I am sitting at the computer, writing this, trying to keep my eyes open and it’s one minute away from eight o’clock at night.  Grr.

I know that a lot of my friends wouldn’t want to curl up with a book and hot cocoa, but they would curl up with a guy and be cozy and watch some sappy romance (or, maybe in Ramxpage’s case all of the Saw movies…I don’t know, so don’t ask) but I wouldn’t do that if I had a chance to do the former.  Unless that guy happened to be a certain someone.  You guys know of whom I speak. ;D 

I am exhausted, and I don’t want to anything but sleep.  My sister, however, would pitch a fit about me going to bed earlier than she was, and then she’d come in the room, banging around, making more noise than a disgruntled, drunk giant.  Ungh.

We were watching a documentary in film crit today on the importance of Star Wars, and I appreciate them a lot now.  They were all for the depressed age of the seventies and I’m glad that George Lucas produced that film–he changed a lot of people’s lives.  Maybe not mine, but maybe if I had lived in that age.

And for Winged Ham Ham–  MIDORI IS THE AWESOMEST THING TO EVER HIT THE PLANET.  I LOVE YOU FOR CHANGING MY OUTLOOK ON MANGA.  I love it!!!  I’m on my second way through it. 

I am sentencing myself to the gallows–again–by taking an AP US History course next year. I hate my social studies teacher right now, but I want to try again.  I hope I’ll do better.  We-e-e-e-e-ll, I have a novel to right and a bed that’s calling my name.  Good night, all my best wishes, sweet dreams, don’t bother me till Monday…just kidding.  :D  Anyway, I’ll catch you cool kids later!

Silence

“Why do we fall, Bruce?” 

I’ve reached some quiet time today when I was editing my story, so while I contemplate how to use it, I am going to post about what’s been going on.

Yesterday, I watched all of my comic book/sexy main men movies to occupy my whirling mind.  Van Helsing, Hellboy, Batman Begins.  I lost use of the tv because I had been watching movies from around 1:30 to 8:oo.  So, they told me I should do something else besides watch tv.  I was watching these movies to help my writing, though, so it was all for two good causes: to make me stop thinking, and to help my villains.  I need to work on my antagonists because I am so uninterested in them. 

My writing has officially begun to take on aspects of my current anger and anxiety and distress.  William has become really angry, and I don’t want to write him because I don’t know what he’ll do, and if he does the wrong thing…I’ll have to change the whole plot.  Rebecca has become somewhat weaker, becoming my softer side that I try not to admit having.  I’m in the quiet time of my edit, and she is elaborating on the freedom that I have just given her, and she has no idea what to do with it.  I have no idea what to do with it. 

I’ve been listening to Moulin Rouge soundtrack for the past two days while trying to recuperate.  I can’t sleep, and when I am, I have freaky dreams that usually end up with me disoriented and ready to cry at about three in the morning.  Not to mention I keep forgetting to turn my alarm clock off, so it’s like going off at 6:10 in the morning and I can’t go back to sleep.

I have resigned myself to the world of Rachel Morgan, Kim Harrison’s novels.  It’s my alternate reality, and I spend a lot of time there, because Rachel can always kick some ass to make me feel better.  But, unfortunately, I’m reading the saddest book, so by the time I get to the end, I’ll probably be crying, but hopefully by the time I get to the end, it won’t be as bad as the first and second time reading it.  It was awful.  I did cry.  I am getting a mourning arm band for the character that dies in this novel, and I’m excited.  I’ll put up a picture of it.  I’m also hopefully getting the toe tag that Rachel gets because they thought she died in a boat explosion in the third novel.  Good stuff.

Rachel Ramxpage and I were having a “people free weekend” but that’s becoming harder and harder.  I want to call her, but I know that’s she been really irritated with everyone lately, but I don’t know if I’m included in that everyone category.  She was very supportive though, and I know that she wasn’t irritated with me all day.

I should be editing my Students 2.0 submission, but Lindsay hasn’t contacted me yet–we’re going to do it through AIM.  I don’t know what the time difference is, either.  So, I’m waiting for that.   I need to do some writing–it may keep me from thinking.

“So we can learn to pick ourselves back up.”
-Thomas Wayne, Batman Begins

Heartache, Heartache

I am getting really tired of guys.  In general.  Not fair to my guy friends, I know, but all the guys who are like, dating possibilities–or I thought they were–are  edging closer to tipping me into homicidal tendencies.  I kid you not.

The guys who know all the right things to say irritate me so much.  Daniel, is the prime example.  He says it to everyone.  Then, he expects me to believe him.  Or, he says he expects me to believe him.  I don’t know, he confuses me and I gave up a long time ago.

The guys who know that they are playing with a girl’s emotions and don’t even know irritate me much more than the previous group.  I can’t give you any examples, because I’m not revealing any more names. 

Then you have the guys who are just there and I hate them for being there.  I don’t know what my problem is.  I feel like Anakin Skywalker at the moment.  Angry all the time.

I will catch you later.  I might not be around for a few days.  I’m going to be working on my book.

The Chase

We could hear them behind us, forcing us to run faster.  My legs seemed to have a mind of their own.  William was a little ahead in our race against the werewolves.  If someone should see us…I stopped the thought. I was no longer at the top of the social chain.  I needn’t worry about the little things.  William’s arm caught me about the waist and he flung me into the alley.  I stumbled but regained my footing.  I sprinted to catch William, edging the corner.  Brick cut my arm and I gasped at the sharp pain.

William turned to look at me, legs still taking him quickly away.  “Rebecca!” He shouted, stopping.  Why had he–

Something slammed into my back and I hit the ground with such force I was breathless and my whole body was pained.  A wolf, easily three times my weight, was pinning me to the ground.  The wolf was not looking at me.  It was looking at William.  Fear clamped my mouth shut and my body incapable of movement.  My breathing had stopped altogether and my lungs were begging for breath.  A small trail of breath slipped through my nose, drawing the wolf’s attention back to me.  William had not yet moved, and I was scared.

“Rebecca, do not move, whatever you do.  Do not be afraid.”  William’s voice was calm, but I could not see him, which did not help my panicked state.

A growl trickled from the wolf’s enormous muzzle, and a glob of saliva fell onto my neck.  I whimpered and William said, “Rebecca, hush.  It is all right.  You will be all right.”  By the tone in his voice, I did not know who he was trying to reassure–me or him.  Either way, I do not think he was very successful.

The wolf ran his long tongue over my face and gave a bark that left my ears ringing.  He then looked at William, and moved away, going back to the second werewolf.  Together, they turned and ran into the darkness.

My breath was coming in short gasps, and I was on the verge of tears.  Do not cry, I told myself.  You are weak if you cry!  At least cry in a private place.  I sat up, hissing at the burning sensation on my arm.  The cloth was ripped.  Blood stained as well.  My arm burned and the brick had cut a rather large, rather jagged, gash.  I stood up, my legs wobbling.  William caught me by my forearm, careful of the wound.

“Let’s get ourselves home, shall we?  We need to clean you up, and then I say we get some sleep.”  With that, he left me to catch up as he walked ahead.

William walked confidently, like he had nothing to fear on these streets–not even those enormous wolves.  Wolves.  Why was that word grating on the back of my mind?  Oh, sweet Jesus.  “William,” I whispered, trying to keep my breathing steady and not frantic.  He turned around to look at me, head tilted to the side in that adorable expression of confusion.  “Those were werewolves,” I told him, my eyes pinched in nervousness.

He walked closer to me.  “You catch on very quick, Rebeca Winter.  An admirable trait.  I did not realize you carried it,” he told me.

“That’s why they understood you, and why they left when you told them to, correct?” I turned around, looking behind me in fear.  “They would not come after us again, would they?  Not after they attacked us the first time?”

“Not tonight, Rebecca.” He took my arm in his warm hand.  “Not tonight.”

Excerpt from My Story

Okay, you guys need to anticipate the first few excerpts of my story Tarot Cards and Black Roses.  I’ll give you a little synopsis.  I write fantasy, by the way.  My main character is Rebecca Winter and she has freedom issues.  It’s set in the 1800s, but I’m not sure exactly when.  I still have a little bit of research to do.  Rebecca’s my heroine, and William Leventhall is my hero.  I’m in love.  He’s gorgeous and he’s my kind of guy. (Imagine that…) Anyway, he helps Rebecca with her freedom problems, because she ends up staying with him when she leaves home.  It’s really, really rough right now, because my rewrite’s not going to happen until after I finish it completely, so you guys are getting the raw materials.  The bad guy is named James, no last name, but he has a nasty little secret that occurs later.  William and James both have nasty little secrets, but all in good time.  Rebecca keeps her own secret–the fact that she’s a clairovoyant.  Y’all know what that means.  They have their own twisted little supernatural family.  Oh, and don’t forget Matthew!  He’s a werewolf.  Anyway, that’s pretty much all you need to know without me giving away everything and I will see you later!